So. I’ve been putting this off for a while. I think it’s time to get over it, and write a post about it, because these kinds of blogs helped me when I first got my diagnosis 10 months ago. That diagnosis being Bipolar Affective Disorder. There I said it. Several celebrities have come out and admitted to having it, and yet I even struggle with writing it out in an anonymous blog. I wrote about it quite a bit in private word documents to start to try and make sense of it, but I wanted to share my experiences here.
Let me take you back to September 2015. I had had an amazing summer prior to the start of university. Got back from a year in Italy, bought my first car, was doing a bit of promo work, got my Motorcycle CBT, and was getting ready to go back to university for my final year. Yesterday, my friends from that year graduated. I still have a year left because I had to take a year off.
During the first week back at University, it became clear there was a problem and I was admitted to the hospital due to mania. What ensued was a month of being medicated with extremely strong injections (ie. Clopixol), and my attempts at making sense of the situation. When I came out, I attempted to resume work at university but I wasn’t fully recovered and my attention span didn’t allow me to do the required reading for my degree. So I had to suspend my studies for a year, and battle with deep depression that followed my mania. I wrote small fragments in that mind-state that I may share with you one day.
If anyone’s interested, I can go into greater detail about my admission, the people I encountered on the ward, and my recovery since. I just wanted to make a sort of introductory post to start to get my fragmented word document in order. When I first made it, it was entitled ‘Wrong Side of the Glass’, referring to how I felt in hospital. You can see the doctors and nurses on the other side of a glass partition in a locked room on the ward, and all those with mental illness sit or aimlessly wander around on the other side. Sometimes it felt like you were being watched like an animal at the zoo. People would pace outside it banging on the door for their attention. Obviously, it aids in observation and monitoring of patients, but I wish there were a better way to go about it.